


what death leaves behind

by dorkstrider



Series: the note desolation plays [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Post-Sburb, alphaverse, and multiple planets and universes, and various versions of yourself, and your friends, blowjobs and fucking and all manner of general filth in chap 3, bojack horseman references? in MY edgelord au fic?, dave 'i have lost control of my life and i like it that way' strider, dying right in front of you, dysfunctional relationships: the rock opera, everyone loves those right, is pretty fucking traumatic, john 'denial is a legitimate coping strategy' egbert, no? yikes, pesterfic, to say thanks for reading this at all, turns out that watching your parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:51:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12172002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkstrider/pseuds/dorkstrider
Summary: TG: i cant believe we kind of live so damn normallyTG: you knowEB: "normally".TG: ok you rose and jade live mostly normallyTG: severe drug addiction is more unhealthy than it is abnormalEB: i guess. i think in level of normalcy though it goes me, rose, jade and then you.EB: despite the fact i'm on the floor of my condo right now.EB: at.EB: ridiculous o'clock.EB: talking to you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is from a post-sburb dirkjake au that i wrote with my partner, in which the betas are a huge mess and so are their kids. 
> 
> this particular piece revolves around john and dave. post-game and twenty years into an on/off relationship, john is still the guy that gets dave's message at 2 in the morning. dave is an anonymous creator of shitty, blatantly absurd movies; john is a comedy writer who tries his hardest to lose himself in distractions.
> 
> the trolls got a hard reset and a new life untouched by the game; the betas didn't. the game is a bitch like that. much creative and logical license has been taken here, because it's 2017 and i've been doing homestuck for five years and i can, damn it.
> 
> (please see the other work in this series if you want to, or don't if you're not particularly inclined. choices make the world go round.)
> 
> major credit to my husband and partner in crime/time for being an amazing john and an amazing writing partner in general. thank you luca for my life
> 
> additional props are due to los camp for a) titling everything in this series and b) serving as an unofficial soundtrack and source of inspiration

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: hey 

EB: that's it? 

TG: oh shit sorry forgive my atrocious fucking manners 

TG: dear mr egbert 

TG: will you do me the honour 

TG: of making me wax poetic for your stupid ass 

TG: in return for the dubious pleasure of your company 

TG: love your knight in shining armour 

EB: jeez this monologue is taking forever. 

EB: oh you're done. 

TG: ta da 

EB: consider the honour dubiously given. 

EB: what's up dave? 

TG: i hadnt heard from you in a while and i thought maybe you'd been spending too much time @ netflix and will arnett had swallowed you 

TG: he's known for that 

EB: really dave i think that's a misconception. i only saw will arnett swallow a guy once. 

EB: definitely not enough times for a reputation to form! 

TG: #willarnettswallows 

EB: anyway i've been around. where have you been? 

TG: im gonna get that shit going 

EB: gross, dude. 

TG: in the immortal words of jade harley 

TG: ;) 

TG: i have been in 

TG: hibernation 

TG: for lack of a better term 

TG: im seriously thinking though 

TG: i didnt pack enough johns to get me through the winter 

TG: cmon freaky 

TG: where you at 

EB: what the fuck. 

EB: give me a second. 

TG: im wasting away 

EB: yeah dude i can picture it. 

EB: all boney and strung out on the couch. 

EB: super hot. 

TG: ouch 

TG: kinda harsh to go straight for my bones like that 

EB: i obviously love your bones. 

TG: that is not creepy or ominous at all 

EB: you're the one who brought this up. 

TG: also im happy to report im only a 3/10 on the high scale right now 

TG: i eagerly await my round of applause 

EB: cool. consider yourself given a standing ovation. 

EB: gonna keep it that way? 

TG: nah 

TG: hahahahahaha 

TG: you got me there 

EB: riiiiiiiight. 

EB: anyway while you're lucid. 

TG: are you seriously still pulling this shit 

TG: still 

EB: what are you working on these days? 

TG: the spidery bullshit in this the year of the leaf 

EB: or has it just been a whole lot of nothing? 

EB: i don't know what you're talking about dude. 

TG: ok 

TG: im working 

TG: totally working 

TG: working hard 

TG: yesterday i drew a picture of a guy doing awesome somersaults on top of an airplane 

TG: so 

TG: im getting somewhere 

EB: sounds like the next instant classic to me. 

EB: i'll start making phone calls. 

TG: what are you my agent 

TG: im writing 

TG: slowly 

TG: this stuff takes time 

TG: i have to pull these wild fever dream revelations right outta my ass 

TG: and spin it into something watchable 

EB: the creative process. so beautiful to behold. 

TG: dont mock the process 

TG: embrace the process 

TG: john 

TG: you used to love my process 

TG: what are we 

EB: hey bro i'm not knocking the process it's cool it's cool! 

EB: put away your delicate sensibilities you're making everyone uncomfortable. 

TG: everyone is just you 

TG: youre the everyone 

TG: my man you are the room and the room is not digging whats going down 

EB: and aliens, right. 

TG: hm 

TG: thats a new one 

EB: anyway whatever i'm not your dad good luck with your snail's pace working style. 

EB: i don't know how you can stand to sit around all the time. meanwhile i'm juggling like, three projects at the moment and i still feel like it's not enough. 

TG: ill give you my secret john 

TG: because its you and we chill 

TG: we definitely chill 

TG: the secret is: drugs 

TG: drugs will let me sit around from now to infinity and never complain 

TG: what are you working on anyway 

TG: hows bojack comin along 

EB: i mean sure i understand needing a little something to help with falling asleep because falling asleep is absolutely the worst. 

EB: and yet. 

EB: anyway. 

EB: animated comedies take so long. 

EB: that's how it's coming along. 

EB: also you know. 

EB: i'm constantly watching my back in case will arnett tries unhinging his jaw like a snake and swallowing me whole. 

TG: classic will 

TG: tell me something 

TG: does it ever stop being fucked up that that hot as shit vietnamese lady is fucking a dog 

TG: or do you guys just plan on continuing to pretend that that isn't supremely Weird 

TG: with a very important capital w 

EB: it really doesn't dude. 

EB: but it's best if you just ignore it. 

EB: kinda adds to the comedy in an ironic way. 

EB: like, this is so ridiculous. 

EB: that they act like this is normal. 

EB: get it? 

TG: im going to painstakingly type out a few has for you 

TG: just to make you feel validated 

TG: because im such a good something to you 

EB: you're the best something. 

TG: ha h ah ha h aha hah h ha ha hah ahaha 

EB: that totally legitimate laughter has made my night. 

EB: really makes you think you're making a difference. 

TG: in the immortal words of jade harley, 

TG: :* 

EB: can you stop quoting my sister when you make kiss faces at me? 

EB: you can just make the face. 

EB: you don't have to bring jade into it. 

TG: thats my new excuse for using emoticons and ill ride it mercilessly 

TG: also 

TG: your sister would love to be a part of this 

TG: lets be real 

TG: ah 

EB: dude. 

TG: hm 

TG: that 

TG: that was entirely my brains fault 

EB: yeah let's just sidestep that quickly. 

EB: ah there we go. 

EB: that was a nice little awkward moment we just avoided. 

EB: have you spoken to her recently? 

TG: every time i talk to you it somehow turns into a discussion on fucking your sister 

TG: actually 

TG: actually 

TG: actually 

EB: oh my god. 

TG: there is 

TG: some things happening john 

EB: hurry up. 

EB: things! 

TG: things 

EB: why haven't i been told about things? 

TG: and also possibly stuff 

TG: but i cant be sure just yet 

TG: you hadnt pestered me and i was waiting for you to make the first move 

TG: wink 

TG: but then i just did it anyway 

TG: bc fuck waiting for your slow ass 

EB: i called you like. four times. 

EB: over the past month. 

TG: ah 

TG: that 

TG: that seems likely 

EB: yeah. 

EB: so anyway. 

EB: are you gonna tell me the thing, or? 

TG: im getting there shitdick 

EB: you're kinda leaving me hanging. 

TG: give me like 

TG: five seconds 

TG: gotta get juiced up for this business 

EB: jesus christ okay. 

EB: do i need to like. 

EB: be prepared for anything super weird? 

EB: and/or possibly horrifying? 

TG: its a mindfuck ill tell you that much 

EB: that's a theme with so many of the stories you tell me. 

TG: yeah blame my little brother for landing in reverse land where all our greyest horniest friends are pretentious college kids 

TG: and everything is just 

TG: off the charts insane 

TG: i have no idea 

TG: what the fuck is going on 

TG: but anyway 

TG: yeah 

TG: the juice 

EB: really dave. just terrible of you. 

EB: also for totally unrelated reasons. 

EB: brb. 

TG: hahahahahaha whatever you say 

TG: i am back and sufficiently juiced 

TG: earth to john 

EB: whoa haha. sorry. the bathroom floor felt like a cool place to rest my head for a few minutes there. 

EB: anyway i'm back. 

EB: let the mindfucking commence. 

TG: after so many years 

TG: we finally reunite 

TG: okay so get this 

TG: my kid has the hots for jades kid 

EB: years? whatever dude. 

EB: you've disappeared on me for longer. 

TG: only when i pass out my man 

EB: wait what. 

TG: yeah 

TG: it is 

TG: interesting 

EB: how did they even? 

EB: when? 

EB: so many questions. 

EB: since when is jake in california? 

EB: is jade? 

TG: i know 

TG: trust me when i say i fuckin know 

EB: hurry up and explain asshole! 

TG: jade and jake have been here for a while i think 

EB: i'm on the edge of my seat over here. 

TG: her kid is at school with dirk and 

TG: given that hes the local pharmacist 

TG: they met when he was solicited to provide them with said pharmaceuticals 

EB: at school with him? that would mean he's been here for at least a year. shit. jade hasn't done a stint this long in ages. has she been here the whole time? 

TG: yeah i think shes gonna hit the ground running soon 

EB: jesus fucking christ. 

TG: lots of 2am phone calls 

EB: so she's been calling you? 

EB: idk, she only writes me letters. 

EB: or sends them i guess. 

TG: yeah like 

TG: every other day 

TG: or i should say every other ass o clock in the morning 

TG: shes still using that sendifuckwhat huh 

EB: yeah it's safer or something. 

TG: still spreading rumours about the many evils of the post office 

TG: shes more canine than i thought 

EB: i did think of her when writing the mr. peanutbutter post office gag. 

EB: anyway whatever makes her feel safer. 

TG: hahahaha 

EB: she's good sometimes you know? 

TG: yeah 

TG: we all have our vices i guess 

TG: hers is just being weird as shit 

EB: she's got a human mind who used to be attune to some seriously fucked up things. cosmic level super weirdness you know? 

EB: that leaves a mark. 

TG: a weird as shit mark 

EB: yeah. 

EB: anyway. 

EB: back to business. 

TG: state your business egbert 

TG: youre more brusque than usual today 

TG: you got somewhere better to be 

EB: just trying to get the conversation back on track. 

EB: we got kind of seriously sidebarred back there. 

TG: thats kinda what we do isnt it 

TG: our conversations dont even have a track 

TG: they cut through the middle and get seriously lost 

TG: im talking like buried under leaves and branches in the middle of some wild ass forest 

TG: its on that level 

TG: thats where it goes 

TG: perils of us meeting like this 

TG: when youre coked up and god even knows what i am 

EB: yeah i guess you're right. 

EB: not enough of a tragedy to make us stop though right? 

TG: of course not 

TG: i did actually kind of miss you 

TG: i say 

TG: at the risk of you calling me a homosexual 

EB: you are such a homosexual dave. 

EB: i missed you too. 

TG: now it is you who is the homosexual 

EB: okay cool i guess it's settled then. 

TG: are you prepared to live with this 

EB: i'm prepared to take this down the aisle and marry it, dude. 

EB: consider it lived with. 

TG: wheres my ring fucker 

EB: how long will this game of gay chicken continue. 

TG: until we are wrinkled and old and can barely lift a finger to type out these sweet burns 

TG: with the occasional interruption for some choice homosexuality 

EB: some seriously choice homosexuality. 

EB: we got off track again. 

TG: do you uh 

EB: what was the original point of the story? 

TG: know what we were talking about 

TG: fuck 

EB: hahaha! 

TG: i think we were discussing dirk fucking jake and that being fuckin weird as hell 

EB: god why do you keep describing it so vividly. 

EB: stop painting me a word picture. 

TG: i cant stop 

TG: my words are my brush and i must paint the world 

TG: specifically 

TG: for you 

EB: now he's done it with two out of three of our kids. 

TG: what??? 

EB: yeah i told you this dude. 

TG: i might have seriously repressed it 

EB: he and jade lived in washington for a while. 

EB: they went to high school together. 

EB: jane and jake i mean. 

EB: not jade and jake. haha. 

TG: oh my god 

TG: what 

TG: why 

EB: relive the horror dave. 

TG: why would this happen 

TG: im so uncomfortable right now 

EB: this universe kind of turned out to be a cruel joke in a lot of ways i guess. 

EB: anyway. 

TG: hey now 

TG: @ me next time 

EB: hahaha. 

EB: jesus. 

EB: it's beautiful or whatever. 

TG: its better than what we had 

TG: thats the way i like to look at it 

TG: but fortunately for us 

TG: the horrific shit we saw and did remains with us 

TG: meanwhile the TROLLS 

TG: those bloodthirsty fuckers 

TG: they got the hard reset 

EB: yeah i like what we made overall. i guess the whole 'the trolls still exist and apparently all that business got erased for them?' thing was kind of a kicker. 

EB: when the four of us are. 

EB: you know. 

EB: have you seen karkat recently? 

TG: i see him every time i go over to dirks 

TG: which is you know every couple of days 

TG: so thats weird 

EB: oh so all the time. 

EB: cool. 

TG: just got dunked by the wave of judgment coming off of what you just said 

EB: does he talk to you? 

TG: well 

TG: i mean 

TG: i talk to him kind of 

TG: i asked him his name just to make sure i hadnt officially fuckin gone off my thinkpan 

EB: i still can't believe it. 

EB: god. everything is so different now but i still feel like it all happened yesterday. 

TG: hes small and hispanic and angry its an experience 

TG: i know 

TG: trust me i fuckin know 

TG: and i cant believe we kind of live so damn normally 

TG: you know 

EB: "normally". 

TG: okay you rose and jade live mostly normally 

TG: severe drug addiction is more unhealthy than it is abnormal 

EB: i guess. i think in level of normalcy though it goes me, rose, jade and then you. 

EB: despite the fact i'm on the floor of my condo right now. 

EB: at. 

EB: ridiculous o'clock. 

EB: talking to you. 

TG: fuck man 

EB: in fucking hollywood. 

TG: im glad to be the one youre reaching out to in your time of need 

TG: im sure you have somewhere else to be 

TG: but the floor with me is just 

TG: infinitely superior 

TG: you know i could come over 

TG: we could lie on the floor together 

EB: bed is where i should be but you're right the floor is infinitely superior. 

EB: and i'm awake now. 

EB: are you in any state to drive. 

TG: hmmmm 

TG: i could give it a shot 

TG: possibly 

EB: i feel like it would be a bad idea. 

EB: wait a while. 

TG: i told you 

TG: i miss you 

TG: like on a truly ridiculous level 

TG: we always go so long between visits you know 

EB: hey, you're the one who said you've been in hibernation. 

EB: i've just been working. 

EB: lots to do. 

TG: i know i know 

TG: im not digging at you specifically 

TG: im digging at the situation 

TG: remember when the paparazzi got photos of you with me and they thought i was your drug dealer 

TG: that sure was something 

EB: well we did do coke together that night at your place. 

TG: mm 

TG: i remember that 

EB: not everything in hollywood tabloids is entirely false. 

TG: jesus we watched so many will smith movies that night 

EB: a truly great experience, one i will cherish for always. 

TG: i usually cherish the afterparty a little more 

TG: but honestly 

TG: doing drugs with you brings out my competitive side 

TG: or my stupid side 

TG: six of one half a dozen of the other 

EB: what makes you say that? 

TG: i do so much more when im with you 

EB: you can say that again. 

EB: my nostrils ached for two days. 

TG: i didnt remember my own damn name for most of that night 

EB: you certainly remembered mine. 

EB: ;) 

TG: john please 

TG: this is fuckin unseemly 

TG: you making advances upon my virginal flower of an ass 

EB: there is so much to criticize about what you just said. 

EB: where to begin. 

TG: oh please 

TG: a john egbert critique 

TG: i live for these 

EB: well really there's the glaringly obvious point to make here. 

EB: virginal flower of an ass? 

EB: yeah fucking right. 

TG: are you casting aspersions on my purity 

EB: you betcha. 

TG: unfuckingbelievable 

EB: i've lost the thread of where we were again. 

EB: feels like we're living out a thousand different threads at once. 

TG: wh 

TG: why would you phrase it like that 

TG: strongly oppose 

EB: because that's what it feels like. 

TG: that fucks me up 

EB: okay noted. 

TG: thankyou for noting my distress professor 

TG: grade me well on the midterm 

EB: whoa this took a turn. 

TG: dont forget to annotate your thesis 

EB: dude. 

TG: all that kinda stuff 

TG: i dunno 

TG: im thinking about college professors 

TG: youd be a hot college professor 

TG: tweed is your colour 

EB: i don't think tweed is a colour dude. 

EB: isn't tweed a fabric? 

TG: why you gotta contradict me all the time 

EB: if i don't correct you who will. 

TG: leave it to the professionals 

TG: the jerks who review my next movie 

EB: like you give a shit about those guys anyway. 

TG: yeah 

TG: i pretty much just write a bunch of shit that makes me laugh and sometimes it makes other people laugh too 

TG: so i guess 

TG: im really just lucky 

EB: i kinda like making other people laugh best. you knew that though. 

EB: anyway. 

EB: how are things with dirk? 

TG: thats kind of a loaded question isnt it 

EB: i didn't mean for it to be. 

TG: it depends on what you mean 

EB: just asking how he is you know. 

TG: hes alive ill give him that 

EB: well that's good to hear. 

TG: i dont know 

TG: he barely ever leaves his dorm and he's still maintaining a 4.0 

TG: so idfk how that works 

EB: jesus. well he was a genius growing up, just like rose's kid. 

EB: roxy. 

TG: but i cant really intervene when i have nary a leg to stand on 

TG: god yeah 

EB: you're right dave you're totally legless. 

TG: when they lived together it was really goddamn something 

TG: how did you know 

EB: i guess living with an actual recluse made your hermit persona a little more believable right? 

TG: hey nobody knows who the mayor is 

TG: so no such persona is in place 

TG: im just a straight up hermit 

EB: god. it's so difficult to keep a straight face when people talk about you. 

TG: because you know me or because you think the name is dumb 

EB: a little from collumn a, a little from collumn b. 

TG: so when people come to you saying the mayor is an artistic genius unappreciated in his own time 

TG: you have no choice but to keep a straight face and agree 

EB: oh absolutely. 

EB: it's a tired charade but i play it well enough. 

TG: do you even muster up a little enthusiastic agreement 

EB: around here conversations go faster if you just smile and agree. 

EB: i've got more important things to be doing than standing around discussing your weird artistic phenomenas. 

TG: like keeping will arnett from swallowing the craft service workers 

TG: its a tough job 

TG: but somebodys gotta do it 

EB: yeah that's become like 90% of my job these days. 

EB: he came back with flaked and i was so sure that after the bojack recordings were done i would be free of it for a little while. 

TG: yeah i saw that it was kinda balls 

TG: gotta be more selective with that green light my man 

TG: i mean come on that fuckin sandler western 

TG: with taylor 'teen wolf who falls in love with a goddamn baby' lautner 

EB: hey my responsibilities don't span that far up the netflix command chain. 

EB: i do writing and producing and directing stuff. 

EB: i had no hand in the sandler western. 

TG: thank god 

TG: i think that would just be it for me you know 

EB: oh yeah after everything that would be the last straw huh? 

TG: id have to wash my hands of you and your sandler-sullied soul for good 

TG: yeah man 

TG: you gotta set limits 

EB: understandable really. 

TG: the douchiest 

TG: he kicked me in the back of the foot in a line for frozen yogurt once 

EB: i got enough sway to get things that i like pushed through but not enough to stop the garbage. 

EB: god. this is what you get for helping to create this universe. 

TG: what good are you 

EB: kicked in the back of the foot by sandler. 

EB: in line for frozen yogurt. 

TG: i know 

TG: theres no justice in this world egbert 

TG: not a damn speck 

EB: it's poetic really. 

TG: i know 

TG: nothing more poetic than hacking and slashing your way through three years of straight up bs 

TG: only to end up getting kicked in the back of the foot by sandler 

TG: tragically beautiful 

TG: etc etc 

TG: lay me down in a field of flowers and leave me there 

EB: okay if that's what you really want. 

TG: i can always count on you to assist in my death 

EB: yikes i was under the impression you were already dead at this point. 

TG: wow 

TG: ouch 

TG: what made you think that 

TG: i say expecting your usual tact 

EB: because usually if you're lying someone down in a field of flowers they're already dead. 

TG: no no 

TG: im going there to wait for the sweet embrace of death 

EB: oh shit. 

EB: well i guess i've committed then. 

TG: i know i thought it was a little weird 

TG: but oh well 

TG: youre a part of it now 

TG: my final expiration 

TG: like cream left in the sun 

EB: can we at least put it off a few years? 

EB: i guess a field of flowers is a good a place to lie down and die as any and if you're doing it you shouldn't go alone. 

EB: our cinematic demise will be beautiful. 

EB: truly the stuff of oscar-winning dramas. 

TG: shits getting goddamn shakesperean up in here 

TG: i dunno if theres room for the two of us 

EB: wow, rude. 

TG: im only kidding 

TG: it would be an honour to die at your side for approximately the 48th time 

EB: 48 seems a bit generous. 

EB: on the lower side of the scale. 

TG: so youre thinkin more like 

TG: 200 

EB: yeah, sure. 

TG: i try not to think about it too much 

TG: but its hard yknow 

EB: i know. 

EB: sometimes it's all i think about. 

TG: but thats what we got the juice for right 

TG: yeah 

TG: are you sleeping okay 

EB: have any of us ever really slept okay since we won? 

TG: fair point 

TG: are you passing out at a reasonable time 

EB: well, it's 3.28 in the morning so, you tell me. 

TG: im personally nowhere near to passing out 

EB: exactly. 

TG: but thats the joy of being rich enough to not have much of a schedule 

TG: if i pass out at 8am thats nobodys problem but mine 

EB: or being able to buy enough drugs to keep you awake. 

TG: i guess you have to pretend to be responsible though 

TG: exactly 

TG: the system works 

EB: truly we are living the high life, dave. did you ever imagine it would be like this? 

EB: in all your wildest 13 year old dreams. 

EB: sweet bro and hella jeff the moive and all the wonders of irregular sleep patterns that it has brought you. 

TG: never in a million fucking years 

TG: did you ever watch it 

TG: its disjointed surreal garbage 

EB: of course i did. 

TG: i have no idea how the hell this all happened 

TG: i just know im here now and i have enough money to get high 

EB: all a blur right? 

TG: yeah exactly 

TG: like 

TG: i feel like i dreamed the last however many years its been 

TG: i wasnt there for them 

TG: im just suddenly here 

EB: i wonder if in another decade this one will have passed in a blur too. 

EB: anyway. 

EB: this is getting a bit much. 

TG: yeah i 

TG: i have no idea how we got here 

TG: our conversation just kinda went off the deep end 

EB: lost in a sea of red and blue text. 

TG: aint it always the way 

TG: i mean again its been a while 

TG: but at least this stayed the same for the last ten years 

TG: this fuckin shitty ridiculous back and forth 

EB: i don't know what i'd do without it. 

TG: yeah 

TG: me either 

TG: are you doing okay generally 

TG: like relatively speaking 

EB: you're worried. 

EB: i don't know dave. i'm fine, mostly. there are things i've just come to accept i'm going to be sad about forever. 

EB: and i keep myself busy during the day so i don't have to think about them, and then i can't sleep at night. 

EB: but all that stuff is okay, you know? 

EB: sort of like how you're a heroin addict is okay. 

EB: it's living. 

TG: egbert going directly for the jugular in typical fucking fashion 

TG: i don't know 

EB: i just finished talking about my own shitty hangups and you take it as a personal attack. 

EB: really, dude. 

TG: i guess i kind of think its the opposite of okay but i also dont care 

EB: you're losing your cool a little. 

TG: jesus youre vicious today 

EB: well! 

EB: you keep asking me how i am. 

EB: its stupid. 

EB: how are you dave? 

EB: is that something you'd want to answer? 

EB: shit, sorry. 

TG: i only asked once i think but ill be the first to admit that my memory is useless garbage 

TG: i guess 

TG: i dont really know how to answer 

TG: and thats the fuckin kick of it isnt it 

TG: youre never really okay or not okay 

EB: exactly. 

EB: it's a dumb question. 

EB: with no answer. 

TG: i feel obligated to check in on you 

TG: youre my something you know 

TG: my very important something 

EB: yeah. i know. 

EB: you're mine too. 

TG: and god knows neither of us are gonna bring it up any other way 

TG: but fuck 

TG: how do we not talk about that shit 

TG: just 

TG: fuck 

EB: i don't know. 

EB: it's too hard, maybe? 

EB: we're dealing with it. 

EB: however terribly. 

TG: in a loose sense of the term 

TG: yeah 

TG: at least you didnt bring your kid into your coping mechanism 

TG: you know 

EB: she had her dad. 

EB: her real dad. definitely a better dad. 

TG: fuck i dunno im thinking about a lot of shit rn 

TG: lotta synapses firing 

TG: yeah 

EB: my kind of. weird substitute dad. 

EB: he'd already raised her once. 

TG: that is 

TG: very weird 

TG: but also not the weirdest thing ive heard recently 

EB: yeah. considering the bombshell you dropped earlier. 

TG: yeah like 

TG: theyd met before yknow 

TG: dirk and jake 

TG: they lived in our building when they were kids 

TG: entirely accidental but fuck it was so much better having jade around 

TG: even though we were moving to california in a few months anyway 

TG: anyway i guess they were real good friends 

TG: not that i remember any of it 

TG: and now 

TG: now i guess they dick each other 

TG: circle of life 

EB: you spend a lot of time thinking about this don't you. 

EB: weird, dude. 

TG: what 

TG: no i dont 

TG: you do 

TG: shut up 

TG: i just think about it because its creepy 

EB: it's creepy that you think about it, more like it. 

TG: jake is so huge and he is so tiny its fuckin weird from every angle 

TG: but again 

TG: i dont really think about it 

EB: ugh stop. 

EB: gross. 

TG: gladly 

TG: but tell me that isnt the most messed up shit you ever heard 

EB: definitely messed up. 

EB: no arguments here. 

TG: karkat messes me up the most though i think 

TG: i mean 

TG: i lived with that guy yknow 

TG: we were bros and stuff 

TG: plus some other things 

TG: its stupid 

TG: its so stupid 

EB: it's not stupid. 

EB: it's weird to think there's a human version of vriska walking around somewhere. she said once that when we won we'd go on a d8. that was an eternity ago. 

TG: oh yeah shes around too 

TG: i hear them discussing her sometimes 

TG: they discuss a whole fuckin lot of very familiar sounding people 

TG: its generally too much 

EB: holy fucking shit. 

EB: in california this whole time. 

EB: man. 

EB: i don't need this shit. 

EB: yikes. where've you gone off to. 

TG: hey fuck sorry 

TG: i passed out big time 

EB: Jeeeeeeez. 

EB: whoa shit. 

EB: i felt the force of my own disdain there. 

EB: you okay? 

TG: i know it really hits ya doesnt it 

TG: mm 

TG: i am probably adequate at best 

TG: but im not too worried about it 

TG: sorry bout it tho 

EB: well that doesn't sound particularly positive. 

TG: didnt mean to leave my best something hanging like that 

TG: hmmmm 

TG: i am pretty fucking disgusting right now 

EB: oh but i was definitely left hanging dude. 

TG: to tell you the bare ass truth 

TG: fuck 

TG: ive done it again 

EB: it's okay though i lost track of the hours. 

TG: im sure you did 

TG: pretty easy to get lost on coke mountain 

TG: they dont hand out maps any more and the trail is unmarked its completely unsafe for visitors 

EB: i am totally stranded. 

EB: you're back though. 

EB: that's nice. 

TG: luckily for you my dude im a sexy ranger on coke mountain and can gently guide you back down the summit 

TG: yeah man im here 

TG: i kind of freaked out that i mightve missed you tbfh 

TG: it was undeniably one of the more homosexual thoughts ive had today 

EB: haha why would you think that? 

EB: i might never sleep again. 

TG: i dunno youre important and actually do things with your life 

TG: i figured you had better things to be doin than wait for your something to wake up from a semi-coma 

TG: so youre pretty awake i take it 

EB: bright eyed and bushy tailed even. 

TG: are you a furry now too 

TG: must run in the family 

TG: hes unstoppable 

TG: he has... the furry gene 

EB: haha pretty sure it's a jade-only trait. 

EB: i was just using metaphor dave. 

EB: keep up! 

TG: maybe im pulling a rose and picking apart your choice of words to find any and all possible furry subtext 

TG: also 

TG: keeping up is definitely not on my list of things that i am capable of right now 

TG: i just keep making these tired gurgling noises 

EB: you just slept! 

TG: exactly 

TG: im barely awake yet 

EB: honestly dave. don't you know i need this endless back and forth? who am i without it. 

TG: im doing my best 

TG: still laying down the sick slams 

TG: heres one fresh from the goddamn oven and prepared for delivery 

EB: oh man. 

TG: your teeth are dumb 

[08:07] -- ectoBiologists [EB] ceased pestering turntechsGodhead [TG] --

[08:07] -- ectoBiologists [EB] began pestering turntechsGodhead [TG] --

EB: shit. 

TG: bruising a little easy dont you think 

\-- ectoBiologists [EB] ceased pestering turntechsGodhead [TG] --


	2. Chapter 2

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: hey look 

TG: i know the teeth thing was an unbelievably sick burn 

TG: but dont you think this is kind of an incredible overreaction 

EB: jeez give me a break. 

EB: i accidentally quit pesterchum. 

EB: burns about my teeth are old news. 

TG: hmmmm 

TG: should i continue with the burning 

EB: oh man please do. 

TG: okay 

EB: i am so ready for the ultimate roasting to commence. 

TG: your teeth are dumb and your taste in movies is dubious as fuckin shit and i saw a photo of you at some event wearing this lil fuckin 

TG: bow tie 

TG: or something 

TG: and i just need you to know the bowtie was dumb too 

TG: also 

TG: would like to just reiterate on the homosexuality 

TG: just making sure that 

TG: has sunk in 

EB: wow. 

EB: fucking obliterated me didn't you? 

EB: i'm not sure i'll ever recover. 

EB: sick fires dude. 

EB: sick fires. 

TG: ugh fuck that felt wrong 

TG: isnt that one dead 

EB: i don't know you're the one with a direct line to the weirdness. 

EB: i wonder if rose knows. she always still sort of knew everything. 

EB: kanaya, you know. 

TG: also youre not as good at magic tricks as you think you are i forgot to mention that 

EB: shit stop roasting me i'm trying to think. 

TG: i didnt even think about that 

TG: of course 

TG: because i was so absorbed in the shitstorm of everything else thats going on 

TG: i dont think ive even heard her mention kanaya since we got back 

EB: yeah, i'm fresh glasses. 

EB: on the situation. 

TG: i think rose just 

TG: went into this weird deep acceptance/denial mode 

TG: like shes gone but thats ok bc i can drink sixteen liquor stores trying to forget she was ever there 

TG: fresh glasses 

EB: you know, like fresh eyes. 

EB: also, 

EB: :( 

TG: good one 

EB: thanks. 

EB: :B 

TG: yeah 

TG: the :( is pretty heavy on the situation 

TG: but i mean 

TG: its not like either of us tripped over ourselves to find tz or 

TG: i dunno 

TG: the sweaty guy with the towels 

EB: well we didn't know until recently. 

TG: we just kind of figured they went somewhere else 

EB: i guess i see your point. 

EB: anyway you should tell her. well, maybe find out if kanaya is around from dirk first. 

TG: no look man 

TG: dirk doesnt know about any of this 

EB: duh. 

TG: he doesnt need to know more about my fucked up life than he already does 

EB: it dies with us. 

EB: for good this time. 

TG: so why 

EB: you don't have to tell him why you're asking, dipshit. 

TG: why would i ask him about a friend hes never mentioned to me before 

TG: itd be a little bit incredibly fuckin weird 

EB: well can't you do some sleuthing? 

EB: you say you see karkat a lot. 

EB: karkat talked so much. 

TG: thats your area isnt it 

EB: surely he might mention her one of these days. 

TG: so you want me to just 

TG: listen to karkat 

TG: what the fuck are you signing me up for 

EB: well. i think it's something rose would want to know, if kanaya got... spat out somewhere in this world too. i think it's worth trying to find out. 

EB: i'd offer to come around myself but that would be "incredibly fuckin weird" as well. 

TG: you could come with me you know 

TG: dirk wouldnt think it was weird if you showed up there with me 

TG: hes sold to you before hasnt he 

TG: plus he knows we have a whole thing 

EB: okay that's true. 

EB: missed the glaringly obvious. 

EB: of course your brother is my occasional drug dealer. 

EB: he's reliable when my usual guys fall through. 

EB: but weird to buy from. 

EB: because... well obviously. 

TG: hes fuckin good at what he does 

TG: which is more than a little worrying 

EB: yeah. 

TG: that and i hear hes kind of a tightass about it 

TG: for the little people 

EB: now jake's involved. 

TG: i kinda just get what i want 

TG: has jake met you 

TG: since he was like a baby i mean 

EB: yeah. 

EB: when he was much younger. 

EB: then occasionally throughout life. 

EB: jade always came back to stay with me eventually. 

EB: usually when she was having one of her better spells. 

EB: that's what she called them. 

TG: you did a good job of taking care of them 

TG: jade and rose 

TG: i kind of just took care of myself in typical fucking fashion 

TG: didnt even do that actually 

TG: just imploded for fun and profit 

EB: what are palhonchos for. 

EB: yeah, but we stuck together right? 

TG: well yeah 

TG: in an abstract sense of the term 

EB: more recently i guess. 

EB: things got kind of busy for everyone for a while there. 

EB: now it's kind of... slowing down. 

TG: a little yeah 

TG: were getting old john 

TG: before you know it well be sixty and cursed with having to pay bingo all the live long goddamn day 

EB: so weird. 

TG: who 

TG: me 

EB: no. 

EB: just. 

EB: life. 

EB: you know? 

TG: no i have no idea 

TG: life has always had a decidedly vanilla flavour to it for me 

TG: not a moment of excitement in it 

EB: whatever cool kid. 

TG: you know it hurts when you say it and dont believe it 

EB: it kind of insults us both a little. 

TG: is it so hard to insult me that youve resorted to insulting yourself in the process bc thats all the material you have left 

EB: yeah sure something like that. 

EB: god. 

EB: weird. 

TG: yeah and get this right 

TG: karkat 

TG: he sits around smoking weed and going off about just about everything like hispanic seth rogen 

TG: it is 

TG: next level 

EB: holy shit. 

EB: i have to come around. 

EB: when are you going next? 

EB: i'll drop everything. 

TG: i should go today probably 

TG: im two days away from running out 

TG: and honestly im unwilling to take the risk 

EB: yeah. i get that. 

EB: in an incredibly morbid terrible way. 

EB: i've got nothing on today. 

TG: you could come back to my place and do coke with me after 

TG: itd be good 

TG: ive missed you and its been so long since we made terrible decisions together 

EB: yeah. it's been too long. 

EB: all we do is make terrible decisions together. 

TG: a man has needs 

TG: hahahaha 

TG: thats fair 

EB: it's the bar. 

EB: we're just hitting it time and time again. 

EB: not bad in my opinion. 

TG: nah man 

TG: gotta have goals to keep your head on straight right 

TG: ill try and subtly find out whos over there today 

TG: running into gamzee was just 

TG: all kinds of unpleasant 

EB: oh god. 

EB: do i want to know? 

TG: now that 

TG: THAT 

TG: that guy looked like he knew me 

TG: and he knew why he knew me 

TG: hes like a kingpin its really just something else 

EB: it wouldn't surprise me if he did. that guy was so creepy. 

TG: yeah just real fuckin unpleasant 

EB: i don't think i want to run into him. 

TG: smells pretty bad these days too 

TG: actually thats p consistent with the old gamzee 

EB: hopefully your brother doesn't hang out with him much. 

TG: nah 

TG: if theres anything you can say for dirk 

TG: its that hes got good taste 

TG: honky mcclownface is uh 

TG: probably not someone hed consider a peer 

TG: thank fucking god 

TG: i only ran into him one time when i came over uh 

TG: unannounced 

TG: thats actually how i found out the kid was dealing 

EB: jesus. 

EB: unpleasant. 

EB: double whammy of a bombshell. 

TG: yeah it uh 

TG: it wasnt exactly a kodak memory 

TG: and i was already losing my fucking shit when i got there 

EB: why? 

TG: bad day 

TG: bad trip 

EB: why'd you go over? 

TG: i dunno i needed to see dirk 

TG: i kept seeing some bad shit you know 

TG: him getting thrown back into the game 

TG: thats where my mind goes when it gets really bad 

EB: it won't happen. 

TG: he wouldnt survive now 

TG: can you imagine all of THAT 

TG: plus hed be withdrawing as well 

TG: thats pretty much as bad as it fucking gets 

EB: dirk won't play the game. it doesn't exist anymore. 

TG: you never know right 

EB: we're all safe. 

EB: we have to be. 

EB: i wonder. sometimes. 

EB: nightmares are so vivid sometimes. you know. 

EB: anyway fuck. 

EB: back to business yet agsin. 

TG: we keep getting into the heavy stuff dont we 

TG: this always happens 

TG: its hard to talk to the others about i guess 

EB: what the hell is wrong with us. 

TG: thats the best fucking question anyone ever asked 

TG: unfortunately 

TG: theres no fucking answer to it 

TG: the doctor comes into our hospital room 

TG: lays his hand on our shoulder/s 

TG: and says boys theres no other way to say it 

TG: you just 

TG: you just have everything 

EB: everything sounds bad doctor. 

TG: everything is terrible 

TG: but you know 

TG: thats what you got 

EB: well i guess that's that then. thanks for the sympathy. 

TG: no worries 

TG: theres no cure btw 

TG: enjoy the everything 

EB: great. 

EB: one sec. 

TG: alright 

TG: you know i was just thinking 

TG: you remember that one time we went out and got drunk and you grabbed my ass in front of jade and rose and fuckin yelled in my ear 

TG: "your ass is grass and im gonna mow it" 

TG: all of those other people in the bar who overheard and looked so scandalized 

TG: what are they doing with their lives 

TG: the secret lives of slight-to-extreme homophobes: california bar edition 

EB: it's like they went out that night unprepared for the possibility of blatant homosexuality. 

TG: personally when i go out theres an expectation of it 

EB: i know, dude. 

EB: why were you thinking about that anyway? 

TG: dunno 

TG: i was just thinking about how it was fun for a while when we got back 

TG: you know 

EB: yeah. experiencing all the new universe had to offer. 

TG: the four of us always had fun 

TG: yeah 

TG: wide open spaces not engulfed in fire 

TG: all that jazz 

EB: truly a sight to behold. 

EB: yeah, you're right. 

EB: anyway. should i come over. 

TG: im sending a car over to pick you up right now 

TG: great minds blah blah blah 

EB: i'm fresh off a line and. 

EB: wow. 

TG: im gonna kiss you on your stupid face and theres nothing you can do about it 

EB: it's your stupid face that is getting kisses. 

EB: kissed. 

EB: but also kisses because why stop at one. 

TG: jesus egbert 

TG: that was almost smooth 

TG: im proud 

EB: should shades descend? 

TG: but also i should probably go through the process of making myself not disgusting 

TG: before you get here 

EB: okay. i'll see you when i see you. 

EB: which is soon. 

EB: can't wait. 

EB: <3 

TG: yeah 

TG: me too 

TG: <3 

\-- turntechsGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologists [EB] --

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a good chance i'll post a (gratuitously smutty) third chapter so keep ur eyes on the skies


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dicks dicks dicks dicks dicks
> 
> this is sort of disjointed and weird but i wanted both of their perspectives? so here we go. godspeed

Your name is John Egbert, and you’re buzzing.

 

Dirk ushers you out  of his apartment in the name of getting your barely-conscious ecto-nephew to bed, and you’re so tempted to tease them about it for a moment before you realise that extending the conversation is counter-productive to what you really want. You can feel Dave’s eyes on you behind his shades, burning holes in you with the heat of it, and it makes you shiver. Dave gets to his feet and you practically leap out of your skin in your haste to follow suit, saying your goodbyes and practically dragging Dave out into the hall. The baggie of powder is tucked away in the pocket of his jeans and you can hear it singing to you with the promise of things to come.

 

As soon as the elevator doors close you move, lightning fast, shoving him up against the wall and leaning up on your toes just slightly so you can crash your lips against his. He gasps and a shiver rolls down your spine again, your cock twitching in your pants because fuck, even if you know he expected it, he knows any reaction you can drag out of him makes you hot.

 

He also knows exactly how crazy it drives you when he straightens up and he sidesteps deftly out of reach, shoving his hands in his pockets and making his way slowly, unhurried, out into the lobby. You bite back a string of curses and quickly trail after him, jogging to catch up. You will never understand how he can act so calm, so infuriatingly cool when you’re losing your shit so thoroughly and obviously over here. He knows what it does to you so he plays it up, hand barely ghosting over the slight bulge in your pants as you slobber all over his neck the whole ride home. You’re thankful for the divider - Dave’s driver doesn’t need to see this - but it turns out it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s teasing you, letting you do what you want but never giving an inch, and it’s frustrating the hell out of you in a way that shouldn’t go straight to your cock, but does.

 

Finally - _finally, oh God_  - the car pulls up outside Dave’s place and you all but drag him out of the car and onto the sidewalk. You press a kiss to his willing mouth, biting at his lower lip. “Am I just not doing it for you tonight, Dave?” You ask, giving him your most wide-eyed, innocent, oh-so-fucking-unsure look that you know will get a reaction. “Do you want me to leave?”

 

-

 

Your name is Dave Strider and you would swear you’ve never been so hard before in your fucking life, but you say virtually that exact same thing every time you do this with John.

 

The ride back with John is so clearly torturous for him - he’s never been a particularly patient guy -and he’s fucking squirming the entire way because he’s abandoned dignity in favour of letting you know exactly how much he wants you. You trail your fingers over the outline of his cock through his pants (shit he’s throbbing already) and do your best to keep a straight face.

 

You’re grateful for the cool sea air that hits you as soon as you get out of the car, cooling you down when you feel like you’re about to fucking combust, but it doesn’t last too long. John kisses you, and his kisses always say a thousand things- he loves you, he’s missed you, he wants you desperately - and it has such a profound effect on you every time. He gives you this wide-eyed, innocent look with those big baby blues that practically begs you to defile him and you’re gone.

 

“It’s kind of average so far,” you say, but you choke on your words halfway through and it doesn’t come out as cool and unaffected as you’d hoped that it would, if at all. You grab him by the hand and lead him the front door, closing and locking it firmly behind you, because the last thing you can fucking handle right now is interruptions.

 

John is still giving you that look, that look that makes you want to fuck his face until all innocence is gone and he’s just as depraved as you are, and you figure you’ll let him do just that. You grab him by the hair and push downwards for a moment, and he’s very, very briefly confused until he notices you working at the button to your pants with your other hand. “You could prove to me that you should stay, though. I’m open-minded.”

 

-

 

 

Time passes in flashes - one minute you’re outside in the cool air of the very-early morning and the next you’re inside, shoved up against the closed-and-locked front door to Dave’s place and decidedly right where you want to be. He’s still acting so fucking cool and it just makes you all the more determined to make him lose it, because fuck him, you know you have just as much of an effect on him as he does on you.

 

The next thing you know his hand is fisting in your hair, shoving you to your knees with the kind of strength you consistently forget he possesses, all coked-up and wild and fucking hot as hell. It’s so hot that when you hit the carpet you whine embarrassingly. You’re a little bewildered but you catch on quickly, hands moving to help him out of his jeans. You tug them down slowly until he’s left standing in his boxers, cock straining against the fabric. You snicker to yourself as you reach inside with one hand, wrapping your fingers around him and stroking him gently, softly, teasingly. 

 

It’s enough for him to grunt at you in frustration and jerk his hips, and it’s not the loss of control you want to coax out of him but it’s something, it’s a prelude to what is to come. 

 

You waste no more time in freeing his cock and sinking over it, wrapping your mouth around him with practiced ease, humming, pleased. He tastes salty and warm and you can feel him hardening in your mouth and fuck, the fact that you’re the one making him feel so good has you shivering all over. 

 

You swipe your tongue along the underside and drag your lips from the base to the tip, pulling off with a soft pop. “Please let me stay,” You purr, your hand still jerking him off slowly. “Are you really going to deny me the dubious pleasure of having Dave Strider’s cock in my mouth?”

 

-

 

John is a tease, he’s always been a fucking tease, and he knows exactly how much you love it and hate it in equal measure. His hands are small, delicate pianist’s hands with long, bony fingers that curl elegantly around your cock, and you can see the muscles of his hand ripple as he does and even that is almost too much for you.

 

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips as you look at him so willingly on his knees below you, your breath coming in sharp spurts as he jerks you off, and you thrust your hips swallowly to tell him to get the fuck on with it. Not that you’re willing to say that just yet- you know working you up to the point where you’re weak for him and begging is John’s favourite part of this.

 

Finally he pulls your cock out and he’s so used to this, knows you so well inside and out that he can swallow you down without hesitation, taking it like a goddamn champion. You’re about ready to give him the gold medal in the cock sucking Olympics, but you settle for a long, drawn-out groan instead as you steadily, shallowly thrust your hips in time with the movement of his head.

 

Suddenly he’s pulling off and you frown as he looks up at you, so pleased with himself. God, that boy can pull out the dirty talk like nothing else, he knows exactly the tone of voice that gets to you, painfully sweet and innocent as ever while he talks about sucking your goddamn cock. “H-hah,” you say eloquently, your brain apparently deciding to embarrass the shit out of you. You pause for a few moments until you feel a little more inclined towards using human language.

 

“I mean- fuck, that would just be cruel for you, w-wouldn’t it?” He’s leaning in to kiss the head of your cock, his tongue playing the slit as he jerks you off, his eyes still locked on yours- even through the shades, he knows you can’t look away. “I want your mouth, at least for a while. After that, we- we’ll see-” The bossy tone of your voice is undercut by the filthy noises streaming from your mouth at intermittent intervals that you can’t seem to control, but John sure isn’t complaining.

 

-

 

You lose the picturesque expression of innocence as you grin, smugness radiating from you in waves, before you lean in and run your tongue across the slit at the head of his cock. It’s enough that a few more incoherent sounds fall out of Dave’s mouth before he pulls himself together long enough to be able to talk again, and you feel outrageously pleased with yourself.

 

“So cruel,” You agree, taking your time, resolving to draw this out as long as you can before he gets fed up with you and shoves you back onto his cock. “So you want my mouth, huh?” You lean in and lick along the length of his cock. “How badly do you want it? How badly do you want me to get my dirty mouth around you and suck you off until you’re right on the edge; how /badly/ do you want to feel hot wet and hot it is?” Judging from the sounds he’s making the answer to that question is a resounding ‘really fucking badly’, but you’re not satisfied yet. 

 

You press a kiss to the tip and swirl your tongue around the head, flicking out between your lips to give him a taste of what you know he wants.

 

-

 

At this point your hand is fisted in his hair so tightly that it must be hurting him, only getting tighter with every word that he speaks, but John sure isn’t complaining. You know he kind of likes the pain, likes the feeling of you using him like this and the way that he can feel you coming undone even when you can’t or won’t verbalise it. 

 

You groan (although it’s really more of a moan and both of you are painfully aware of it) and a shiver runs through your whole body. He’s so close but he’s making you tell him to close the gap and give you what you want. “Jesus Christ, even when you’re supposed to have a cock in your mouth you don’t shut up,” you say breathily, but you both know it’s not a complaint. 

 

Rather than dignify his smug teasing with an answer, you grab him by the hair and pull him back onto your cock with a surprised ‘mmmf’, but you’ve done this enough that you know he would have been kind of expecting it and you know exactly what he can take. You start up a faster pace than before, fucking his mouth while he whines and moans around you, acts so needy for it that you’re already getting kind of close. “I want this so fucking badly. I always want you so fucking badly, Jesus, your mouth-” Your own mouth always betrays you when John touches you, when he does _anything_ to you, but he’s just so fucking good at it. So pliant, so obedient, so obscenely hot that you’re already feeling close even though things have only just started.

 

-

 

Dave’s fingers are fucking delicious in your hair, tugging at the strands in the familiar way that is both painful and unfairly pleasurable all at once. You think you’ve won for a brief moment and your face lights up in a smug grin right before he forcefully shoves you back onto his cock. You make a muffled noise of surprise but you’re not surprised at all, you know how this game is played and Dave is no different. You moan around him, thrilled by the feeling of being used as he rocks his hips, cock pumping in and out of your mouth, making sure to watch your teeth as he sets the pace.

 

You know he won’t be able to keep his mouth closed for long, and sure enough he starts talking only a few moments later. His words are a beautiful string of curses and praise for your adept mouth and it makes you shiver because you love doing this to him, you love making him feel this good, you’d spend the rest of your life on your knees if he wanted because fuck, you love him, and every time the two of you start going at it after months apart you’re reminded of just how much. 

 

You know you must look fucking obscene, lips swollen and pulled back, cheeks flushed and hair mussed from where he’s grabbed fistfuls to get you to fall into line and suck him off like he wants. You know exactly how hot that makes him, and you know his eyes are probably wide and unblinking behind his shades as he gazes down at you. One of your hands palms at your own cock through your jeans and you let out a particularly loud moan, letting him know how badly you want him.

 

-

 

Your knees are starting to buckle, partially from how close he has you already and partially because staying upright for too long is a challenge for you at the best of times. You allow yourself a few more rough thrusts into his gorgeous mouth so you can appreciate his red, swollen lips around you and the way it’s so obviously not enough for him but he doesn’t even care, going straight for his cock that’s still trapped in his jeans. You like being a little cruel when the two of you are together because he likes it, but you can't be  _that_ cruel.

 

John takes you all the way down, into his fucking throat, and as much as you could just fucking live here for the rest of your life you know it has to stop. You pull him off you by his hair and he looks up at you questioningly as you step back, shimmying your black jeans off the rest of the way and kicking them aside- they probably would have made the walk to your bedroom a little awkward, not to mention hideously uncool.

 

“Come on,” you say, reaching a hand out to help him back up to his feet- he’ll be just as unsteady as you are right now, except he’s spent the last five minutes on his knees so it might be even worse. “I think- fuck- I think I’ve decided you deserve to stay.” He gets to his feet, shaky but mostly secure, and you step in to press a heated, lingering kiss to his soft lips. John reacts as he always does and you finally relent, letting out a shuddering moan against his lips when you taste yourself on his tongue. “Welcome to slam town. We’re not going to leave my bedroom for goddamn days.”

 

-

 

You know the night won’t end here, it rarely ever stops with just your mouth unless Dave is too fucked on smack to do anything other than lie there while you tongue him off, but you still blink up at him in relative surprise when he tugs you off his cock by your hair. He’s swaying a little and his lower lip is bitten and flushed red and you figure he’s finally decided enough is enough. You take his hand, careful not to let him support your full body weight as you get to your feet. That would just end in the two of you sprawled out on the carpet, and while it would be funny you’re not interested in having a laugh right now. 

 

Coke has you incredible focused, and the full force of your brain is working on getting you laid. You’ve got time to slow down later, but right now you’re determined to keep things firmly in the fast lane because that’s how you like it. Dave may push you around because you like it, but you know how to make him putty in your hands and you intend to work that knowledge to the best of your ability. 

 

“Thank Jesus,” You say, ignoring the way your knees ache when you stand, “and here I was, totally convinced you were going to fuck my mouth and come down my throat and then send me on my merry way.” You wink at him when you break the kiss, your tongue running across his bottom lip, “You’re all talk, Strider. Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” 

 

He makes a deliciously strangled sound and then the two of you are moving towards his bedroom, a mess of tangled limbs and desperate kisses as you feel your way blindly around the house. Dave knows where he’s going though, having navigated this house more off his head than you can imagine countless times, and finally the two of you are falling into bed together. 

 

You cup his face in your hands, kissing him hard. “I want another line,” You tell him, “you up for it?”

 

-

 

Shit, you wish that you had thought of that before you left your jeans in an unceremonious heap at your front door, but luckily you have some of the last batch that you scored right here in your room. It'll be easy enough for you to knock back two lines so you’re absolutely buzzing, every synapse firing and every nerve in your body standing on end so it’s like tiny electric shocks every time that he touches you. Sex while you’re high is fun with pretty much anyone, but with John, who knows exactly when and where and how to touch you, it’s _phenomenal._

 

“I’m gonna start thinking you only like me for my body and my drugs soon, you know,” you say, your lips still buzzing where he kissed you. You take off your shades and set them aside on your bedside table because you’re tired of him not being able to really see you, see how dilated your pupils are and how your eyes are burning with heat. “Fuck if I’m not willing to indulge you.”

 

You keep a tray next to your bed for such occasions (or when you need a line just to give you enough energy to drag your ass out of bed), and it’s silver and covered in residue from innumerable lines over the past few months. You set up two for yourself and lean in for another long, hard kiss, whining softly when John’s teeth dig into your bottom lip. Finally you pull back, lowering your head to snort the first line and giving you a moment to recover from the instant hit of pure bliss before you take the next. When you sit up again you could swear that you’re flying, you’re outside of your own body but you feel it so intensely, particularly the throbbing heat between your legs that only grows more demanding with each passing minute. “Your turn. Make it snappy.”

 

-

 

“Mm,” You nod in sagely agreement, crossing your legs underneath you as you sit up, “You got it, bro. Protruding collar bones and substance abuse really gets my motor running.” He knows you’re joking though, you’ve told him you love him enough times that it’s not something he can doubt anymore. You’d love him still even if he was positively skeletal and too fucked to even lift his head. 

 

Your eyes are drawn to the baggie of powder like a moth to a flame as you watch Dave set himself up. You’re high already but you know you can always be higher, and the higher you are the better this will feel. Dave vibrates into a higher plane once he’s finished snorting back one line and then another, and you’re so ready to join him. You kiss him again and he tastes like chemicals and something sweet, the taste you know is just Dave, the one you’ve never been able to get enough of since the first time you kissed him. 

 

You pull away with a snicker, shifting so you can get at the tray he’s got set atop his bedside table. The lines you make are bigger than the one you’d done at Dirk’s - there’s no reason to hold back anymore - and when you knock them both back in quick succession you’re sure you pretty much die right then and there. Your heart is thudding persistently against your ribcage and even though you’ve lost the ability to form thoughts you’re pretty sure that means you’re still alive, and then Dave is there with his hands sliding up under your shirt and leaving you shivering under his touch. 

 

You lie back, eyes closed, head still spinning, and it’s a while before you can look at him. You just lie there, moaning softly as his fingertips graze your nipples, trailing down over your stomach and scratching at your hipbones. You’re so aware of every touch, every bit of skin he runs his hands over coming alive like a thousand frayed electrical wires. You force yourself to look at him through half-lidded eyes, and your smile is so wide it hurts your cheeks. 

 

“Fuck,” You murmur, reaching for him, any part of him, to hold on to, “Dave. Dave, Dave, Dave. I love you.”

 

-

 

John is gorgeous when his high hits him, practically knocks him out, and you’d be worried if you didn’t know better and if you didn’t feel like the two of you are practically fucking invincible right now. Quietly you lament the fact that you never had the chance to do this while you were both god-tier, with limitless strength and endurance and had that sixteen year old virgin sex drive, but this is as close as you’re gonna get. 

 

His eyes are closed, his lips parted, and it’s impossible not to touch him. You trail your fingers over John’s stomach, noting how he’s still so much softer than you are even when he’s verging on the addict look that you’ve perfected over the years, and all the way up to his chest. He’s still such a sucker for having his nipples tweaked and played with, always has been, but you can’t stay there too long. There’s more important parts of him to get to.

 

John tells you that he loves you and you’re stopped in your tracks because even after you’ve heard it from him a thousand times, both in person and over Pesterchum when he’s in the middle of some seriously astronomical highs, it still catches you off guard. His hands are on your hips, holding you there in this moment, and you swallow hard because you’re this close to getting overwhelmed- coke heightens the positive emotions like nothing else. “I love you so fucking much, John, so fucking much,” you say, and it’s little more than a murmur but it’s enough. Gently, you remove his hands from your hips so you can pull his shirt up over his head (thankfully, he’s cooperative) and get to work on his jeans. You roll your eyes when you pull them down and catch sight of the Ghostbusters underwear that he’s somehow still wearing at age fucking 35, but even they aren’t enough to deter you from your main goal.

 

Finally, you’re naked and he’s naked and you’re both just looking at each other with so much intensity and need and there’s nothing keeping you from each other. Not any more. You waste no time in straddling his hips, your hand sliding over his stomach and hipbones again, dancing over the skin just shy of where he wants it before you finally wrap your hand around his cock. John is already so fucking hard, and you know you won’t be able to touch him too much right now without hitting his limit, but you want to give him something before the main event.

 

-

 

Dave tells you that he loves you and you know but it’s still music to your ears to hear it. It makes your heart do funny things in your chest and you still can’t stop smiling, not even when he forcibly removes your hands from where they’re resting on his hips and tugs your shirt up over your head. You catch the way he rolls his eyes at your choice of underwear, but he gets you naked fast and you don’t have any time to defend your honour. He climbs on top of you and he’s so warm and soft that you just want to pull him down and kiss him and stay like this forever, but Dave clearly has other, better ideas. 

 

He wraps his hand around your cock and you make a high-pitched keening noise when he strokes you, playing with the fire in your belly and making your hips buck. Your buck teeth dig into your lower lip, a weak attempt to halt any other sounds that might fall out of your mouth. You know he likes you loud though, so it’s mostly for show. Every time he drags his hand up and down your cock you feel like it’s almost too much, almost too good, but the pace Dave sets is slow and you’re okay with just rutting into his hand while you wait for the initial mindless bliss of your high to wear off a little so that you’re more coherent. 

 

Not for long though. “Mm, Dave,” You moan, hand trailing up and down your stomach. “You gotta… you gotta… something. More. Need more. Please.”

 

—

 

Before too long just jerking him off isn’t enough for either of you, you both need _more_ and _n_ _ow_  and Jesus, you’re done with playing games with him, you just want his gorgeous cock filling you to the fucking brim while you cry out to each other and various deities and anyone else who’ll listen. “Me too, fuck,” you breathe, and he whines when you let go and climb off him, but you know he won’t be complaining for too long.

 

You rummage blindly through the drawer of your bedside table, your fingers ghosting over your vibrator and various paraphernalia that you store there until you find the half empty tube of lube. The memory of you fucking yourself on your vibrator for him over your webcam a couple of weeks ago while he jerked off, telling you how hot you are and how much he loves you, is enough to get you to hurry the fuck up because it’s just a reminder that it’s been /four months/ and you want the real thing so goddamn much.

 

John’s eyes are half lidded as he watches you, and you climb over him again, your hips hovering just slightly over his. His teeth dig into his bottom lip even harder when he watches you pour lube over your fingers and he knows what you’re going to do, he likes watching you take yourself apart enough to have memorised how it goes. Your hand is between your legs, two fingers circling your entrance before slowly pushing inside (fuck if you’re starting yourself on one, that’ll take too damn long) and then moaning, low and long, when they’re finally deep inside you and you’re ghosting your fingers over the spot that drives you crazy. “John, John, fuck, _please_ ,” you moan, your voice a few octaves higher than you’d usually allow, and you don’t know what you’re begging for- maybe it’s just him being there, him being so solid and hot and hard underneath you, just him.

 

-

 

Suddenly Dave is gone and you whine because you’d said _more_  not _less_  but you hear him rummaging around in the top drawer moments later, and you’re whining again but this time for a different reason. You don’t know what he wants yet, whether it’s your cock in his ass or his in yours, but you don’t give a damn either way. You just want him to hurry the fuck up.

 

You must have said the last part out loud because Dave snickers, then he’s leaning over you again and he’s pouring lube over his fingers and oh, fuck, you’re suddenly paying attention because you love watching him do this. He’s got you pinned so you can’t move, can’t do anything but watch him as he sinks over his own fingers, sliding two inside right from the start and - fuck, fuck, fuck. You murmur Dave’s name, hips rolling against his, desperate for some kind of friction because the way he fucks himself makes your cock throb painfully between your legs and you need something, anything - 

 

He moans your name, begging you for something, and so you reach down and curl your fingers around his cock, dragging your hand up and down the length of him in time with the way he’s stretching himself out with his fingers. 

 

“Fuck, you’re so hot Dave,” You tell him, voice hoarse and so undeniably needy. “I want to fuck you so badly, you have no idea how fucking obscene you look like this. I just want to… need to… fuck.” You buck your hips again so he gets the idea, because you’re high and he’s beautiful and you don’t want any space between you anymore.

 

-

 

John is watching you so intently and he’s so fucking reactive, bucking his hips needily and it’s perfectly clear he wants to be inside you just as much as you want him there, but you know he’s big and it’s been a while since you got fucked. You want him to make you scream but not like that. You quickly slide a third finger inside yourself, and it hurts a little but not as much as you anticipated- you’re too fucking high for that.

 

You can’t hold back any more, your fingers curl to rub against your prostate as you fuck yourself open and John jerks you off, looking up at you with his lips parted and Jesus, he just looks so fuckable. You’re almost there, almost, and you figure you can talk him through the last moments of the waiting game.

 

“Fuck, John, always so needy, aren’t you?” you say, and pot kettle black immediately comes to mind, especially when you’re moaning like a whore every time you lower yourself onto your fingers and find your prostate. His composure is as shot as yours, though, so there’s no room for his criticism. “You never could hold back. Always so loud, so into it, every single time. Or maybe you’re just really fucking high, but I’d rather think that you just-“ You let out a high pitched keen mid sentence and you know you’re getting close again, so you pull your fingers out, wrapping your hand around his cock instead to position himself against you. So close, so close… 

 

“You just can’t get enough of me. Here’s the big fuckin’ secret, though…” You sink down onto him slowly, throwing your head back and moaning unabashedly as he slowly, slowly fills you. You take him in slow thrusts, a little more at a time, until finally your ass meets his hips and he’s all the way inside you and you’re actually tearing up a little. “I can’t get enough of you either,” you breathe shakily, and you can’t even imagine your expression right now.

 

-

 

You’re aware, dimly, that you’re probably going too fast, that there’s a number of very good reasons why you need to slow right down, but it’s so hard to think about the proper course of action to take here when Dave is fucking himself three fingers deep with total abandon. Finally he begins to talk to you, voice tight with need as he shakes and stutters his way through the dirty talk, and as always you’re torn between wanting to tease him about it and how hot it makes you, the way he calls you needy and tells you, very fucking accurately, that you can never get enough of him. 

 

Dave sinks over you and you feel every inch of him, holding your breath and closing your eyes because you feel like you’re seconds away from just imploding because no one else makes you feel like this, no one else around your cock feels better than Dave Strider. After what feels like an eternity you’re all the way inside, and only then do you dare to open your eyes. 

 

The vision before you is breathtaking. Dave’s head is thrown back, his mouth open in a soft _oh_  as the two of you stay like that, locked at the hips, hot and flushed all over and so high that you’re not thinking about anything other than fucking him until he’s not thinking either, until the both of you are on the edge and desperate and coming apart at the seams ready to be stitched back up again in the aftermath. Dave has always been the one person you feel comfortable enough around to let yourself break apart when things get bad, the one you trust to fix you back up and love all the most broken parts of you even still. Being with him like this is kind of like that, except it’s good and perfect rather than sad and hollow and you never want to leave him again. 

 

You’ve had just about enough of letting Dave run the show, and you lift your hips to thrust into him, hoping he gets the idea that it’s time to fucking move. Your heart is racing, pulse like lightning under your skin, and all you want to do is fuck him hard and fast so that he’s feeling you for the next week, so he can’t take two steps without being reminded of you. 

 

“You’re,” another slow thrust, “too,” another, “fucking,” he /whines/ and you almost can’t finish your sentence, “slow, Strider. I thought you wanted me to fuck you.”

 

-

 

You’re just getting used to the feeling of having John inside you again, that incredible, indescribable sensation of not only being full but being whole in a way that you only feel when the two of you are joined at the hips like this, when he thrusts up into you, brimming with impatience, and you cry out sharply. Jesus, you weren’t expecting that, but it’s so typical of John for him to try to control the flow of things even when he’s underneath you.

 

“What if I want you to _make love_  to me, John,” you say, laughing breathlessly, because the two of you have long resolved not to call it that but anything that works him up is damn good right now. Anything that makes him frustrated with you and gets him to shove you down and do what he wants, take it the way he wants, is good. You move upwards until only the head of his cock is still inside you, and then slowly back down, groaning as you do. Hell, it’s still good for you. “Slow and easy and vanilla.”

 

It is slow, it’s torturous, it’s a tenth of what you want but it’s a means to an end.

-

He’s being a fucking tease, saying things that he know will work you up until you can’t stand it anymore and the need to just fuck his tight little ass takes over, but you’re loathe to give in to him so easily. You’re going to be the one making him beg, not the other way around. 

 

“You’ve never wanted that, Dave,” You say through your teeth, struggling to hold it together, “You want, no, you need me to fuck you hard and fast and make you feel like a big slut for my cock.” It’s big talk considering how you’d whined for more just a short time ago, but you know Dave likes it and so you’ll play it up as much as you can. Your relationship of good-natured one-upsmanship carries over into the bedroom, but you’ve known each other long enough to know exactly how to play it. Sometimes it’s you who is high-pitched and needy and pleading with him to fuck you, sometimes it’s him, and you’re never sure how it’s going to be until you get right down to business. Either way, you’ve never called it making love. It’s fucking, desperate and wanton and fuelled by desperation and chemical bliss, but you like it better this way anyway. 

 

You angle your hips when he sinks back down onto your cock, aiming for that sweet spot that will turn him into an incoherent mess above you. “If you want vanilla, stop moaning like a bitch every time I get all the way in. You’re obscene, it’s embarassing.” You’re grinning now though. You’ve never been good at pretending like the things you say are serious, but you think it adds to your charm.

 

-

 

Damn him, he knows exactly how to talk to you to get a reaction out of you, and he /definitely/ knows that calling you a slut is kind of his trump card. John has a seriously filthy mouth, it’s awe-inspiring and more importantly it’s hot as shit. You whine embarrassingly, your cock twitching obviously between the two of you, but it’s not over. Not yet.

 

You do move your hips a little faster, the rise and fall on his cock more vigorous than before, but it’s still far from being enough for the both of you. Nothing’s ever enough when you’re both so high and so hard and so desperate, but the rough, merciless fucking that the two of you usually end up getting down to is as close as it gets. “C-can’t help it, Egbert,” you pant, crying out with zero abandon when he thrusts up against your prostate and there’s explosions behind your eyes, under your skin, everywhere around you. So many fireworks it’s like New Years motherfucking Eve up in here. “I-I just- I want you to make sweet love to me like Disney, ah shit…”

 

You’re being downright ridiculous but you’re incredibly high and getting fucked and those two things in combination always make you a little delirious. It’s hard to keep up this act when John keeps thrusting up hard when you slide slowly down onto him, moaning his name every time because you're absolutely positive that this is nirvana, but you won’t give it up first. You won’t.

 

-

 

 

You’re getting to him, you know you’re winning, and your grin splits even wider when you rock your hips upwards and your cock brushes up against that spot inside him that will have him undone in a few moments. Really, you’ve got the unfair advantage here. It’s your dick in his ass, and you know Dave _loves_  being fucked. You’ll win, it’s only a matter of time. 

 

That being said, it’s getting harder and harder for you to keep this up when he’s bouncing up and down on your cock like a seesaw, pupils blown and bitten lips and barely restrained moans escaping through his teeth. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire, your cock throbbing and twitching each time he buries you inside of him, and the sounds you’re making are getting dangerously close to sounding needy again. 

 

“Shit, Dave,” You breathe, “don’t make me think about Disney movies right now, you’re so gross.” You laugh though, your fingers curling tigher around his hips as you thrust your hips up to meet him. “Just go back to saying my name, babe, fuck, you’re so good, you feel so fucking good. Oh, fuck, _Dave_ -“ You cut yourself off because you know you’re babbling, losing your shit when he’s trying so hard to send you over the edge first. With new determination you work on hitting his prostate every time he sinks down over you.

 

-

 

“That may have been the nicest way that you’ve ever told me to shut the fuck up,” you pant, and it’s almost painful to work your hips down against him now because he keeps hitting that spot inside you and he knows that he’s doing it, knows that it makes your cock throb urgently and painfully every single time but the way that the two of you are going isn’t enough to make you come and he knows that too.

 

You last a few more minutes, clawing over his back so hard that you’re sure your nails have left some serious scratches and fisting a hand in his hair, but it’s far, far too much and too little all at once and John’s cock has you fucking _weak_. You muffle something close to a scream by biting down hard on his neck when he hits your prostate yet again, but you know that you’ve lost. You know, he knows, and finally you pull back.

 

Your hair is mussed, your eyes wide and blown from the lust and the coke and the sheer influence of John and you’re covered in a thin sheen of sweat from the effort of holding back. You’re either incredibly gross or incredibly hot right now; all you can hope is that John’s mind lands on the latter. “Jesus- fuck, you know what, you’re fucking right. If that’s- shiiiiiiit- if that’s what you want to hear, you’re right. Fuck me, John, fuck me, I need you to fuck my tight ass so I feel you for the next week, the next year, shit. I don’t care if I never walk again, just- please.”

 

-

 

It’s the most beautiful sight in the world watching Dave come apart above you, pride holding out but his body rebelling. You know exactly how good you’re making him feel and the look on his face tells you he knows exactly what you’re doing; he knows he’s going to lose. You laugh breathily as he buries his face in your neck, rocking against you, whimpering, moaning, howling your name, his nails leaving angry red welts in their wake that you barely even feel. You like knowing he’s marked you though, the sound you make when he sinks his teeth into your neck rivals the one he’s trying to smother by biting you. 

 

He lifts himself and meets your eyes, and for a moment you’re stunned into stillness by how fucking good he looks. Blonde hair messy, the contrast of his red irises and blown pupils making him look slightly deranged and more than a little wild, chest heaving with each shuddering breath he takes. Fuck, you’ll never let it go this long without seeing him ever again. 

 

He finally, finally begs you and it’s music to your ears. You grin because you won, you got what you wanted and now it’s time to give him what he wants. “Anything,” You say, fisting your hands in his hair and pulling him in for a desperate kiss that is all teeth and tongue and urgent need, “I will give you anything you want, Dave. Always. Ff- fuck, I love you. You’re so perfect I can’t stand it, just listen to you, fucking  _Jesus_ fucking Christ ah- ffffuck.” Your hips are working faster now, rocking into him as fast and hard as you possibly can, and your heart is just about ready to smash through your ribcage and blood is going to leak out of your ears because surely your body shouldn’t be able to withstand how good he feels around you. You know you’re losing it underneath him, know that you were very serious about your earlier mission, but he gave in first and now all that’s left to do is fuck him until neither of you are thinking anymore. You wrap one of your hands around his cock, the other a steadying presence on his side, and begin to jerk him off in time with the rocking of your hips.

 

-

 

The two of you are singularly excellent at drawing it out, making it feel like a victory when you finally fuck each other the way that you both want it, but hell if that completely redundant victory doesn’t make it feel so much better. John lets himself go as well, totally at the mercy of his body and his gorgeous dick and /you/, and it’s your favourite part, every single time.

 

He kisses you hard, harder than you can remember him ever kissing you, and your teeth clack together and you taste blood but it’s extraordinary, it’s the best thing you’ve ever felt, it’s so much. John pounds his hips up into you and it’s time for you to pick up the pace and give him what he deserves as well.

 

Your pace as you ride his cock becomes rough and frantic, the two of you perfectly in sync, and when you slam down on his cock as he thrusts particularly hard into you you both howl to the motherfucking heavens, each other’s names in perfect harmony, and this time you didn’t think to have anything to muffle it against but it doesn’t matter. This is the part where you both get loud and embarrassing and shameless and you love it, you fucking love it, it’s the best thing in the entire world.

 

“John, John, fuck, I-” You want to say you’re already close and his hand on your cock is too much but he knows because of course he does, John has seen you come a thousand times and knows exactly how it looks when you’re close. You can hold off a little, though, because you want to enjoy this, the desperate pace of things now that you’ve gotten the fuck down to it. John hits your prostate on every thrust as you bounce on his cock with the sluttiest damn look on your face and it’s more perfect than you ever could have imagined, even if it took the two of you a while to get here, like it always does.

 

-

 

You’re slowly shutting down, your coked-up brain refusing to process the exact level of /good/ rolling over every part of you and setting your nerve endings on fire. You can’t do anything other than moan Dave’s name, the rest of the world fading to black leaving you aware of nothing else but the way he looks as he rides you, wanton and desperate and absolutely shameless. You’re trying your best to hold out, knowing this part is the most fun for the both of you, the part where you can’t restrain yourselves anymore and all that’s left to do is fuck - rough, frantic, senselessly. 

 

You feel like your face is going to melt off when Dave starts babbling, trying to tell you that he’s close, but you don’t need to hear him say it to know. He’s beautifully predictable; his breathing gets harder, his voice climbs higher, his eyes closed and his lips parted in a constant stream of moans and whimpers. You’re right there with him, each thrust of your hips bringing you dangerously close to the edge, but you want him to come first. You’d call it another stupid contest that means absolutely nothing, but really you just want to watch him fall apart before you let yourself do the same. 

 

“Do it,” You say, hoarse and strained, “Come for me, Dave. Please, oh god, I want to see you come so badly, you’re so beautiful - /fuck/-” You can’t make words happen anymore, your voice becomes a crescendo of whimpering and desperate groans and all you can think about is his cock, hard and throbbing in your hand and the way he feels around you.

 

-

 

John tells you to come and that’s _it_ , because nothing on Earth gets under your skin more than a command from John Egbert. Not a request, not a suggestion, but a command that you have no choice but to agree to because you want to so much. 

 

One more thrust is all it takes, one more slam of your hips down onto his cock as it strikes that sweet spot inside you so fucking perfectly and you’re screaming John’s name yet again, hoarse and drawn out and cut off before long by a chorus of whines and slutty little moans that you realise are coming from you as John jerks you through it patiently, expertly, knowing you always come for fucking ages.

 

It’s all over his stomach, his chest, and your head is spinning and you feel so incredibly hazy, but even so you know that image is just the hottest thing humanly possible. You’re majorly oversensitive but you need to let John come just as hard as you did, you _have_ to, so you keep up the pace for him and look directly into his eyes, wondering if you looked that desperate just seconds ago. “I love you, John, fuck, please come inside me, please, I want you,” you babble, not sure if you’ll ever be capable of saying words unrelated to John’s dick ever again. Your cognitive functions have officially quit and this is all there is.

 

-

 

You think you might just sob watching Dave as his mouth opens wide to scream your name, louder than any of the other times he’s said it tonight, and you know you’ll never forget how it sounds. You know the next time you’re alone in your condo fresh off a line and feeling needy you’ll touch yourself and picture him as he looks right now, you’ll think about the feel of his come splashing across your stomach and chest, the way he shudders and moans and whines as you jerk him through it. Fucking  _beautiful._

 

You still can’t do words but when Dave tells you to come inside him you frantically nod your head because yes, that’s exactly what you want and you’ve wanted it for so long and there’s no  way you can hold out after the show he just put on for you. A few more hard thrusts into him and you feel yourself snap like a taut rubber band, your back arching off the bed as his name tears from your lips, a /prayer/ as you shake from head to toe underneath him. Fuck, fuck, fuck, Dave, Dave, _Dave_. You don’t know if you’re actually forming words or just mouthing them, the scream that had ripped from your lungs as you came leaving you with nowhere near enough breath for anything else. 

 

Your hips jerk uselessly as you come down from the mountain of pleasure that the two of you had been working on climbing this whole time, trembling and cursing under your breath, and he’s still so hot and tight around you and you think you might just die then and there. “Fuck, Dave.” You breathe, quiet and hoarse, “Shit. That was one hell of a reunion.”

 

-

 

Two thoughts occur to you as you lie on top of John, trying idly to catch your breath. First of all, you definitely need to get off him soon, because having his softening cock inside you is not a pleasant feeling whatsoever. Second of all, gravity is doing a great job of making you regret the fact that you let him come inside you. You still feel good, you feel phenomenal, better than you’ve ever felt before in your life, but those are both very real concerns.

 

You climb off of John as he trembles underneath you, wrinkling your nose as he slips out of you with a noise that you’re uncomfortable detailing phonetically. He’s covered in your come- Jesus, it’s just Jizz City up in here- and you figure if he’s okay with having your come on him, you can man up long enough to cuddle him after he fucked you into next year.You rest your head on a safe part of his chest, pressing kisses to the soft crook of his neck as you do. “Kind of a standard reunion for us, wasn’t it? You know, naked, sweaty, coked up and crazy.”

 

-

 

Dave climbs off you and you feel largely sticky and sweaty and gross but also utterly blissed out in the way you always do after your first night back with Dave. He rests his head on your chest and you immediately reach up to thread your fingers through his hair, quietly marvelling at how soft it is.

 

You hum in agreement, leaning into the kisses he trails up your neck. “Okay, fair,” You say with a chuckle, “Still, as far as standard reunions go I still feel like we knocked it out of the park on that one.” You’re so undeniably gross and the yearning for a nice hot shower is growing steadily by the minute, but you’re not willing to move just yet. You’ve got a whole lot of night left to get around to that particular task. For now you just want to lie with him and bask in the afterglow of the really incredible sex you just had and the high from the lines you’d snorted a little while ago. Fucking perfect.

 

“What do you want to do now?” You ask Dave anyway, because you know having come leaking out of your ass is a singularly unpleasant feeling and he might want to shower even if you can probably hold off for a few more minutes.

 

-

 

You laugh at that, still a little breathless, and tip your head back a little as John strokes your hair to urge him to keep going. You’re tracing small circles into the soft skin of his chest and you’ve never felt more coupley before. The two of you are pretty good at faking normalcy, in the beginning at least. “That’s my job as your better half, isn’t it? To keep you working harder and harder for it.”

 

_What do you want to do now?_  It’s a loaded question with a million different answers. Part of you wants to grab his hand and get the fuck out of California and just disappear somewhere forever and see if you’re better at ignoring your issues there. Part of you wants to ask him to leave right now because you know it’ll hurt more in a week’s time. A much bigger part of you has no idea what he wants- you ask yourself, and the answer is John every single time.

 

In the interest of being helpful, though, you cast another look over your sweaty, slimy, super gross body and decide that it is definitely shower time. John will probably insist on coming with you, which means being naked with him in a less heated context, where he has time to look you over and see the scary bruising in the crooks of your arms (you’ve been hitting it pretty hard lately) and just how sharply your bones protrude. It’s John, you tell yourself, he’s seen you look worse. “I’m definitely going to go and need to wash off this river of come that’s on me and inside me,” you say. “You should shower with me. Help me stay upright. That fun stuff.”

 

-

 

“If you’re my better half,” You say, a grin playing at your lips, “what does that say about my worse one?” You shiver under the feeling of his fingertips tracing slowly, lazy circles against the skin of your chest. You think Dave is your better half most days; there are parts of him that are just intrinsically good, things you’ve always admired about him, things you’ve been grateful for when things get bad for you. You think you’re his too, and while your relationship has been at many times utterly destructive over the years you know the both of you are better off when you’re together. 

 

And yet you know you’ll still leave. Either you’ll get fed up with the melancholy of day to day life without distractions and take off or he’ll get frustrated with your inability to sit still and scream at you to leave in the middle of a drug-induced rage. That’s how it’s always gone down between you, as much as you wish it could be any other way. You’ve tried to get Dave to come and live with you before, your heart doing funny things in your chest when you imagine coming home to him after work every day, but he’d countered by asking you to come and live with him and the two of you had ended up doing more coke than was strictly wise and banging it out before you fell asleep together. You hadn’t discussed it again in the morning. 

 

“Okay,” You say agreeably, hauling yourself upright, “I think my stomach has looked like winter wonderland long enough.” You take his hand as the two of you head to the bathroom, just because you can, and gesture for him to sit down on the lid of the toilet so you can get the shower ready. Hot but not too hot, just the way he likes it. Heat is a major trigger for Dave, but over the years you've figured out the best ways to accommodate him and make him feel safe.

-

 

“Egbert, without my half of you all up in there, you’d be a goddamn train wreck of a human being. The you half is the part that still wears Ghostbusters underwear. The me half is the part that has the good sense to realise they’re hideous.” You perch on the lid of the toilet as you watch John set about getting your shower just the way that you like it. Every now and then it still surprises you how well he knows you, mainly because you’ve well and truly lost track of your sense of self over the years, but for John you’re still exactly the same as you were when the two of you were 13 and this all started. Different, changed in the way that only age and time can modify the state of your being, as you know all too well, but the same.

 

It makes you feel less broken. It makes you feel like there’s hope for you to go back to normal even though you know there isn’t.

 

John opens the shower door for you and you get to your feet, stumbling forward a little but still supporting yourself, and when you look up his eyes are on you, lingering but not in a heated way. You wonder what he’s thinking then realise you probably don’t want to know. When you step in the shower, the spray of hot water on bites and bruises and all the various horrible, sticky parts of you is godlike, and you reach your hand out to John. “Come on, man, time’s ticking by.”

 

-

 

You laugh, sticking your hand under the spray of the shower to test the temperature. “Maybe I wear them just so you’ll get a kick out of it when you’re undressing me,” you tease, opening the shower door. “Now let’s stop talking about my underwear preferences. Come on, get in.” He does, unsteady on his feet but remaining upright easily enough despite the combination of smack and uppers in his system and the way you’d just fucked his ass into next year. 

 

You can’t stop watching him, quietly mapping out the parts of him that are different as he steps under the water. He holds out his hand for you to take and your gaze lingers on the bruising around the crook of his elbow, some deep purple and some fading yellow. He must be having a bad few weeks. You feel doubly guilty for letting it go so long without seeing him and quickly resolve to make it up to him. You take his hand and yelp when the water hits your back, throwing Dave a look before he can even open his mouth. “Shut up, it’s hot.” 

 

After a while you get used to it and set about rinsing off the evidence of your earlier activities before you reach for the soap and lather it onto a shower sponge. You push Dave back a few paces so he’s out of the direct stream of water, running the sponge over his chest and shoulders and working your way down. He’s so /thin/ and it horrifies you in a familiar kind of way, each protruding bone reminding you of how bad things get for Dave out here in his reclusive house in Newport Beach. “You’re beautiful,” You tell him, just so he doesn’t think you’re judging him because you’re not, you’re just worried. You press a kiss to his lips, “Love you.”

 

-

 

It’s hard to not get wrapped up in how self conscious you feel about how clearly fucked up you look and are, but before your mind can grab onto that thought and let it spiral, John is letting out this ridiculously girly shriek as the hot water hits his skin and you’re laughing and everything seems okay again. That’s just kind of the way it is when you’re together- you both serve as excellent distractions.

 

You let your red eyes wander over John’s body as he washes over your chest and notice, again, that the coke is starting to take its toll on him. Cocaine doesn’t have too many visible side effects, save for the red marks under his nose, but it’s just little things that start to happen when drugs take precedence over other parts of your life. He has a semi-constant tremor that you’re not sure he even notices and he’s lost weight since you last saw him- not _heaps_ , but enough that it stands out, which is likely a combination of stress and doing drugs rather than taking care of himself. Usually, that would be your tour de force. Fuck.

 

There’s no judgment here, though, and you know that that’s important by the way that your heart flips in your chest when John smiles at you and tells you you’re beautiful, when most other people would just say that you look sick. “I-” You consider going for the standard response, something self-deprecating that will probably just upset him to hear, but you don’t. “When you say it, Egbert, I believe it. I’ll put in my application for America’s Next Top Junkie as soon as we’re done here.” He snorts and kisses you and you kiss him back, leaning into it, and it’s heavy with so many things that neither of you are good at or prepared to say. “I love you, John. Jesus, I always loved you.” 

 

You can blame that one on your high later.

 

**Author's Note:**

> there's a second part to this that i will post, probably today - my html Formatting Fatigue is just hitting the fucking roof right now
> 
> thank you for reading as always, i cannot even begin to express my appreciation


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